Japan, Japan, Japan

I'm getting morose again- I think that means I have too much time to think. Spring break is like that and being so sick only compounds that. I had a fever complete with chills-chills!!!-the other day and since then my lymph nodes in my throat have been swollen and achey. I made it in to work today for a little while but managed to avoid all meaningful conversation. Then I can home and took a nap. I finished Howl's Moving Castle again, too. Helena finally managed to get through it. The weather all day has been cold and rainy- this may be the kicker of it all.

I've spent a long time looking around my room these past few days and I've realized how much I've come to like it here. I do really like this crummy apartment with it's weird sinkless toilet area and it's tin walls. I like my shamisen leaning against my bookshelf and my tiny closet. Ok, maybe not the closet thing. And I miss having a nice big sink with a dishwasher. And a dryer. But I've gotten used to it here. I liek the fact that the major language here is Japanese, not Spanishi. Whoops-I mean English. Que Terrible! I'm not crazy about moving to a country where I won't be able to speak Japanese. And I'm really not crazy about moving back to the D.C. metro area. I never thought I'd want to leave it but now I can't see how you people deal with it. Bleah.

I've been thinking a lot about my future. I've done lots of job research and graduate school research. I've even looked at getting more teaching jobs in Japan. But I feel like staying on as an English teacher would just be putting things off. I need a direction in life and avoiding reality isn't going to give me one. I have a goodish savings in reserve so I can really do anything I want. I can even take a year off to travel! But I realized that I don't really want to do that. I've done the world travel thing and it's fun, really. I can't stress that enough. But I'm not up for a whole year of hostels and backpacks-I've lolied up too much for that!

You really never know what you're going to be happy with until you try it. I never thought I'd stay in Japan for three years. I thought about leaving after my first six months! But that was mostly due to the company I kept- there's a story for you. I don't want to avoid the idea of a "real job" just because I'm freaked about growing up. It's not the moving away from home and supporting myself fear (obviously). But it's the humdrum life in a boring office that worries me. Actually, life here gets pretty humdrum, too. But hey! At least it's Japan. I wouldn't be so happy with this job or another boring job in any other country.

The thing about living in a free society is that you really are free to do what you wish. There are both legal and moral constraints, as befits a worthy system, but most of our chains are in the mind. With all that's going on in the world and especially with radical islam and the way it treats it's women (hello sharia law!) I am really appreciating what it means to be American and to be totally free. So long as I have the guts I can live out my dreams and because so many women are trapped in their cultures it would be a shame not to have some of my own. I'm tired of being knocked around by the Universe. This next step is going to be totally mine.

I think I want to go back to school next. I have some ideas on programs here in Japan and the money issue seems like it would be an easy one to overcome. There are quite a few scholarships out there for foreign students. I am seriously looking at Ritsumeikan U down in Kyushu ( a friend of mine went to their Kyoto campus). But with Ritsumei everything is taught in English. I live la vida eigo here and I know how hard it is to learn Japanese that way. What I really want is to be fluent enough to eventually pass 1 kyu (the highest level of the Japanese proficiency test) and to read Japanese novels. Plus I want to study Judo at the Kodokan some day and I want to take my classes in Japanese. So here is where I stand now. One foot in the present but one foot poised to set out to seek my fortune in the future. Stay tuned for further developments. And email me, too! It's lonely here being sick.