Leaving on a JET Plane

I think Japan is funny for everyone. It's funny because it's one of those places where you're not sure if you're comming of going (sometimes quite literally). You're not sure if you're in good, bad or just about breaking even. There are all sorts of dichotomys and philosophical pitfalls here that are most likely a part of the whole cultural fabric. It's a strange place and it keeps getting stranger.

I'm feeling sad these days because I will be leaving so many things I've come to love. Tuesday nights I will really miss the stifling room in downtown Namba where I take Shamisen lessons. I will miss my tiny old teacher and his (too!) fast Japanese explanations. I'll miss hamburgers being foreign food and Mc Donalds being a high class job. Things back home just won't be the same without the humility/arrogence complex that rules people here. I will miss keigo in stores and Katakana English. Mostly, of course, I'll miss the people.

It will be nice to get back to decent medical care. Most people will speak more English at home than they do here. Movies are cheaper, dates are easier to come by, kitchens are larger and more luxurious (not that it takes much for me...). But I'll miss my friends here. My teachers, the students I talk to every day, my adult classes on Fridays and Saturdays, the Judo kids ... the list goes on and on. Some people will stay in touch and sadly others will fall off the radar. It's difficult keep in touch with all the people that come to be important to us.

I have to say I will not miss my job. I don't want to teach English conversation any more, any how. I am ready for a new challenge in life. But I do want to keep my hobbies: Shamisen, Judo, and studying Japanese. I don't want these things to fall out of my life now. At one point, maybe not so long ago, I wished they would! But things change and as we get used to things they change what we are. One day we wake up to find that we can't live without them. What will become of me when I get tossed back into my home culture? What will happen to that subtle Japanese thread that runs through my life now?

Then again, I miss my bed. I miss boyfriends. I'm tired of shreiky voices and seeweed in my soup. I want a more rewarding and stimulating job. I am tired of not fitting into anything cute. Fashion here is obnoxious. I only have a few close friends and it's difficult to meet new people (who aren't twice my age, bless them all). The water is terrible and is causing me issues. People stare, and things are really, obnoxiously expensive. Nothing changes because nobody wants to fight the system. Don't even get me started about the TV (wait, I hate American TV too). Home will seem to loud, too bright and garish for a while. But it has things that make up for what it lacks.

I'm getting nervouse about leaving. In even the past few months I've met people who have changed my life. My perception has shifted noticably, and in ways I won't notice until I make it back to the States. I hope I'm strong enough to keep smiling as I shift my world to meet my desires.